...........

The latest group created for psychotic sheeple on face book goes a little something like this

Joe bloggs joined the group " find out who slashed Ian Huntley's, and buy him a pint"

It does not surprise me that the mind controlled zombies all baying for any kind of blood and hate they can lay their damaged little minds on, have missed one really quite important error in the thinking of this little vigilante meeting of kins. Being that Mr Huntley is a deranged child killing pervert , and on that fact we can all agree.But what the vengeful masses haven't considered that for his crimes the said man was imprisoned in ward or prison for very very sick individuals who have committed very very sick crimes many of which against children, so what essentially this group is saying reward the less famous paedophile with free alcoholic beverages for slashing the super star child killers neck, hmm its so pleasing to see well balanced opinions and arguments put forward in this day in age it makes me feel all warm inside.

Are we that damaged as a society that along with our idol worship of sport pop and movie stars that we start adding celebrity death match paedophile in as a form of entertainment? fuck me , these people wont be happy til the legal and justice system is entirely based around a running man style game show where shoplifters mass murderers, kiddy fiddlers, and persistent urinating in a public space offenders are all sent into a warehouse strewn with weapons and torture devices.

"come on Myra you fat cunt, pick up the axe and hit him I've got money on you bitch, whats your problem hes a midget in a mad max style grid iron helmet, id bet you'd hit him if he had a school uniform on wouldnt you, do it do it dooooooo it aaarrrrrgghhhhh"

The crowd would roar

fuck you facebookers you boil my piss with your ignorance, i warn you over and over of the perils , i try to help you, and still you choose hate well no more I'm gone.

a weekend.... having it mild ....day 1

Arrived promptly , too promptly, kill time, with the wind killing my hair, i must enter I'm going solo. Two pints ordered, shit i look mental i muttered to myself, whilst a voice in my head calmed me saying "yes Marc you do, but not because you bought a pint for your imaginary friend, its the hair dude its the hair" i remarked how much of a cheeky fucking bastard my inner me was becoming, so i fucked him off and headed to the fruit machine.

The big flashy box made me conjure images of a ambitious tramp who's wrapped him self in fairy lights as a way of amusing me while demanding my coinage. The tramps ploy works. fifteen minutes spent trying to win back money i had in the first place seemed reasonable to me, the man arrives.

We settle pleasantries achieved, i notice a man not dissimilar to Gandalf but dressed in Jeremy Clarkson all over denim ensemble with a stuffed toy rabbit peeping out of his groovy grandad jacket he leaves bar but not before smiling at me oddly and knowingly, and the irrational me tells me he is my future self sent through time with a toy rabbit for some reason, to warn me of my impending doom due to a fracture in the fabric of space time, but he says nothing and exits.

We down a solitary pint of black liquid and head for the cosmic surroundings of the mans home and more importantly his kitchen.

RECIPE FOR EVENING

one liberated bottle of reasonable red wine

several lightly laced illicit cigarettes

a book of zen koans

and a never ending supply of corn based snacks, good conversation and company.

jazz albums


We dust off all ingredients whilst deciphering at least three zen koans as a dessert, exquisite cheese on toast made from the finest wholemeal bread Israeli tomatoes dressed in olive oil. Success.

shattered from being so dam civilized, head to bed.
bed turns out to be a sleeping bag and a hallway, i felt like a faithful old guard dog but comfy, and had to admire the mans no nonsense approach to to the hotelier trade. What will tommorrow bring? i wondered and hid my head from the ghosts that live on the stairs.

hes the scrooge mcduck of chocolate

Although my home has always been a sugary zone always plenty of choccy treats and sweet like snacks,but ever since the arrival of my young nephew the amounts and variety have increased exponentially, more temptation with the words "leave them alone mind there the boys treats".

Always having to deny my urges because some juiced up toddler is stockpiling and hoarding his snacks with out sharing , its just so selfish.

Its now 2am I'm very stoned, I'm rummaging through the allowed section of the refrigerator and cupboards with no fruitful outcome, then i see his shelf and i think to myself fuck you , you selfish little bastard I'm having that jam tart you just fucking watch me gnommm gnommmm.

ninja cunt

If you insist on being a cunt, i advise being all ninja about proceedings.

slacker

i reeked, i was in the company of my two primary carers, id been rumbled, my number was up, the cat had left the bag there was an odour eminating from me, a mix of some crazy weed with a moorish mozambiqe type flavour and the definite smell of bullshit of my own cultivation, no longer would the odd stint of household ironing or chores keep the curtain of normality protecting my fragile survive, survive, survive mentality, and they knew , they knew alright, i was no longer a son but some parasite that was riding the soft cushioned wave of parental responsibility, and all its luxury that came along with it, i was in their minds a bloodsucking tick and a let down, and indeed, i was.

No longer would making sure i swept my biscuit crumbs from my twentieth lazy coffee of the day off the kitchen work top keep my position of king of do nothings sustainable in this house any longer.

I remarked to myself curiously "how and why did it take them so long , and how and whyare the goverment not on to me yet"..... there was still time yet,and i reached for the lynx.

squeeky cvnt

I was woken by the sound of rustling the other day at 2pm in the afternoon by banging and screeching on my window i opened my eyes and theres this squeegy, no man just a squeegy washing my windows i waited til the automatic squeegy had finished cleansing my view finder on the world, then took a secretive peek out to find a man with a telescopic pole with a squeegy on the end.

I deduced this to be my so called window cleaner, apparently they cant be bothered to climb ladders now to make sure they were doing a correct job on them, well listen mate!!! if i wanted my windows licked id do it myself, its a good job we all dont start adding poles to our chosen profession to make it easier, an open heart surgeon working from home with an incredibly long shaft with a scalple on it its just lazy , fuck i wouldnt mind a mile long pole myself,with my job seekers agreement card stuck to the end of it, you lazy lazy bastard.

video game nasties

Anyone who scoffs at the notion that violent video games are warping the minds of our youth should take heed, why only the other day after a 3 day stint on super mario brothers i woke from a deep sleep to find myself wearing dungarees, and came to awful realization id headbutted several bricks out of my supporting wall and stamped my family to death.

cuddly killer

You would imagine AIDS to be quite a helpful disease.

im only signing the guest book

I went into a mccdonalds the other day, and the counter assistant asked if i wanted fries with that ? i said no thank you but can you shut the door and pass the toilet roll.

its all relative

What happens if someone thinks a pound is dam reasonable price for a shopping trolley?????

mentally challenged

Why do people say you can " kill two birds with one stone" the way i see it is if there is people out there throwing stones at birds they clearly have more than two problems.

bulger basher

john venables psychiatrist has spoke out at his arrest saying, "we are well aware mr venables has been found with sexual images of children on his home computer but none of them contain pictures of infants being buggered on railway tracks and, we see that as a giant leap forward"

thats how i heard it anyway, there is also a outraged facebook group 100, 000 strong campaigning to keep my venables behind bars for the rest of his life, personally i think he was a half decent england manager.

I AM GLUTTON INTOLERANT

i hate greedy bastards

im a gluten for punishment

i like to spank myself with a loaf of bread..

hes got our number... apparently

Christians are a strange bunch bless them....... on flicking on to one of my many dull and boring groups on facebook which happened to be the group for people who grew up in my childhood town of killingworth, this group was created so people can reminisce about the big concrete shithole when it used to be a more concretey shithole and lifeless thatcher britain ravaged town,happy days indeed.
And on there are photos of the old towers now demolished and many pictures of other things from the bygone era of this golden town.

There is also videos of a parade in 1988 which is around the time i was living there so i decided to have a peek, why not ?you hear yourself say, the parade was a myriad of different trucks and floats vehicles of all manner designed to represent that particular school or buisness, or social enterprise ,and twas all very jolly, innocent and blue peterish.

And a prime example of this was the jolly christians rolling into view on a big yellow topless bus, with a big banner reading " jesus, hes just the ticket" like some offish party political broadcast to get him re-elected, it was very slick il give the god squad that, all the elements were there, they were on a bus and the slogan to be burned into our sinning brains was "jesus hes just the ticket" it works as a concept on all levels , being as it only has one level to work on, is very much splitting hairs, it works i concur.

But if we look at this as if trying to convert people to faith, is like a political election battle, then all i see is that "god" in return for your vote is offering free super saver bus passes, this i feel appeals primarily to the old and infirm (what does infirm mean? i imagine it to be the possibility you might shit your trolleys without warning) but i do see where gods going with this he feels he neednt waste his time on the sinning youth he wants to get the coffin dodgers before they get sent downstairs where its warm.

I mean lets face it being a cute cuddly old cunt in 20 coats and a wooly hat does not mean your a shoe in for the jesus fest upstairs does it?, id love to see the look on some of their squashed faces as they die and go towards a beautiful light a soothing light relatives there to greet them only for a big shutter to come down and a kamikaze water park slide appears beneath with a strange red glow at the bottom , with them whining "hold on you cant send me down there im an nice old lady i ve been pretty good in my life" to which the devil replies" not good enough grandma so shut it and when you hit the bottom pick up the shovel and put those leather hotpants on daddy will be down soon theres another 4 coaches worth of you cunts coming its like a saga holiday in turkey down there".

So God although i admire you alistair campbell style spin doctoring, i feel you should be trying to appeal to the youth too beforeits too late and you lose them forever, because the way i see it is, if i have a choice between spending eternity with a shit load ofnaughty penioners, in hot pants digging holes in magma chambers or with you and the promise of nothing in particular but free bus travel i know which one im choosing ,do me a favour.

tell you what throw in an ipod and you got a deal.

im hankering for the end

Should the day of apocolypse come upon us,and if the day of armegeddon should come to pass you will find me not running in panic through the streets or praying for salvation, youl find me with cup of tea in hand, a fat joint that turns your room to kryptonite green, with my nose in a good book,i can think of no better way to spend eternity.

concentration camps

I hate overly serious people they are so uptight it conflicts with every ounce of my core which is a rotten one at that, so for a laugh should an overly serious person ever bring up the subject of the holocaust and spend 10 minutes ranting about how "awwwwful it is" that people still deny it ever happened, just wait until he finishes his little speech and gets to the point of asking "what do you think about the holocaust deniers?" i like to answer "what holocaust deniers?"" what holocaust for that matter?" like it was some indie rock n roll group youve never heard of.

Now wait until his or her's head is about to explode with rage all directed at you and say " calm down calm down of course i know of the holocaust deniers and of course i belive the holocaust occured" this will quell the beast that lurks within his fake social conscience, and then and only then may i add quip this....

"I think it was awful what they did to those millions of people in those Concentration camps, making them all sit in rows at tables making them colour in premade drawings with crayons making sure their tongue was stuck out of the side of their mouths, making them stare at inanimate objects for hours on end absolutley dreadful"

I HAVE A DREAM

" My one hope for the future is that every living soul on earth starts to think like me, and will bend to my will, and if that takes a few million needless deaths so be it"
M. McCloskey 3.3.2010

when did this happen

Exactly at what time did it become the done thing to go to the toilet indoors? when did pissing and shitting outdoors ever become unacceptable?, why do we have special rooms in our house with with little watery waste wells, i mean nowadays if you came across soemone who still had a outdoor toilet the many snobs among us would say "oooohh noo how dreadful this chap must be he does it outdoors how awfully prehistoric phwaa phwaa phwaa", and id agree, i mean there is absolutely nothing unevolved about going into the corner of your house and letting your guts out is there shitting and pissing in confined spaces is healthy practice

MR DIGBY( i knew it)

Friend to the unemployed liberache of affordable housing, presenter of hit shows, to buy or not to buy, double agents, a place in the sun, and many other classics Kristian Digby has been found dead at home at the age of 32, police think he may have been victim to a tragic solo sex game Auto-erotic asphyxiation, what a way to be found thats the stuff of nightmares with your head wrapped in an asda bag, and a feather duster up your arse, all i can say to all this i knew it i fucking knew it, i did i knew it, i definitly knew it, im tellin you i woulda put money on that guy living in a house which was shaped like a big pink dildo... what do you know fuck me ... i knew it

kick and a punch

A kick and a punch for the first of the month, is it how the saying goes, now im not advocating violent attacks on your fellow man , but at least do it for reasons of ideological or religious beliefs not over soemthing as trivial as the first day of the new calender month whats a matter with you people at least learn to hate properly hate hate hate hate