I have a keen interest in old addages and sayings and what not, and although the saying "couldn't score in a gay bar" is hardly pulled from the pages of Chaucer or a Shakespearean farce, it would seem nonetheless that it rings true.In fact to prove the point, the other day with a friend of mine on a perfectly innocent man date in which we consumed an equal amount of alcohol and food in seemingly straight surroundings and with a light but generous sprinkling of a herb we found ourselves, still corpus mentus well after normal "heterosexual" trading hours that is, so we decided to stay out until the evening or morning ran its course.
I for one, and I'm pretty I'm sure he too had never frequented the popular gay bars of the city and decided why not we can hang with those cats surely we might even get chatted up and play hard to get with those hipsters, how could we fail? we knew all the terminology the freaky kids were using these days we were surely with it Man.
Unfortunately after 45 minutes of very unrealistic and unconvincing stroking of each others shoulders and half hearted attempts at grabbing each others nipples in the vain hope the regulars would mistake us for one of their own. We realised that its not that easy to score in a gay bar, although there was at one point a male wandering about the place with his top off ,up and down the thoroughfares with great intent and on passing our awkwardly reserved "butch" table he flicked a screwed up beer label sitting on the edge of our base camp, which hit me clean in the face after ricocheting of my hand at first i thought this was a definite come on but on later retrospection and reflection, i think he just thought look at these twats, but the last laugh was on him because it got fucking chilly that evening and i didn't see his friends holding what upper garment he had left the house with and will now no doubt be ruing the day he flamed away his colourful sweater or such.
The only realistic chance or so i thought of saving my somewhat warped pride in the evening was when i was tapped on the shoulder in the lavatories whereupon i thought to myself "oi oi here we go" time to give this wee man the thanks but no thanks routine and suavely walk out of the bogs like a gay pin up, his disappointment was palpable as i shook the residue of my old chap and turned to take my adoration only to be greeted with the come on" excuse me mate is this your fiver?"
I for one, and I'm pretty I'm sure he too had never frequented the popular gay bars of the city and decided why not we can hang with those cats surely we might even get chatted up and play hard to get with those hipsters, how could we fail? we knew all the terminology the freaky kids were using these days we were surely with it Man.
Unfortunately after 45 minutes of very unrealistic and unconvincing stroking of each others shoulders and half hearted attempts at grabbing each others nipples in the vain hope the regulars would mistake us for one of their own. We realised that its not that easy to score in a gay bar, although there was at one point a male wandering about the place with his top off ,up and down the thoroughfares with great intent and on passing our awkwardly reserved "butch" table he flicked a screwed up beer label sitting on the edge of our base camp, which hit me clean in the face after ricocheting of my hand at first i thought this was a definite come on but on later retrospection and reflection, i think he just thought look at these twats, but the last laugh was on him because it got fucking chilly that evening and i didn't see his friends holding what upper garment he had left the house with and will now no doubt be ruing the day he flamed away his colourful sweater or such.
The only realistic chance or so i thought of saving my somewhat warped pride in the evening was when i was tapped on the shoulder in the lavatories whereupon i thought to myself "oi oi here we go" time to give this wee man the thanks but no thanks routine and suavely walk out of the bogs like a gay pin up, his disappointment was palpable as i shook the residue of my old chap and turned to take my adoration only to be greeted with the come on" excuse me mate is this your fiver?"
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