its never gonna happen

I watched an old rerun episode of that Bear Grylls, "born survivor"(it was like his parents always knew hed be a twat) last night you'd think maybe with a name like bear he'd be rather butch but all i saw from him, was lots of skipping down the odd sand dune , jumping excitedly from one rock to another like some fanta filled child in some sort of action montage, then he tells us we can eat all the little critters to stay alive before spitting them out and telling us it tasted like shit, very informative.

I began to wonder how the hell id get lost in the Mexican desert to start with, obviously he was dropped off there via a medium of transport, i started to muse how the various scenarios of how id end up in the Mexican wilderness, fell out of a plane maybe? not likely for the reason that should i survive the 40,000 ft drop from an aeroplane without a parachute, (for one i do not think American airlines have in economy class) without at least grazing my knee, I'm unlikely to be carrying a bowie knife, wearing sturdy combat trousers, or carrying a Small bit of charcoal used for primitive water purification device let alone having a nifty gortex jacket draped round my waist and tied in a knot like a jaunty public schoolboy, the pies ta resistance was bear happening upon a honeycomb being guarded by angry dangerous bees and he took great pleasure in showing us how to retrieve the honey without getting stung, whilst getting stung, genius, however this super man manages to make it to the coast with a bee stung elephant man face swollen to hell whilst carrying a knotted makeshift snake skin canteen filled with his own piss, then upon reaching the sea removes his clothes jumps in then wanders jogging down the shore line like David Hasslehoff completely forgetting about all his belongings fucking poser Andy Mcnab? Andy MCscab i say , well at least it wasn't the episode where he slept in a rotten carcass for no good reason or the one where he shows us how to get out of freezing cold water, i guess my point is I'm never ever, nor is a vast majority of the viewing public going to get too these places, to be honest i cant afford it , and hey if we did bear mate wed do what every British man would do when in a hot country or on a holiday of a lifetime tie a not in a hanky lie back and whine about the locals not speaking English and wait for the coach to come pick us up.

i would not i stress not resort to drinking my 90 degree urine out of a reptiles arse, id no doubt have a packet of fruit pastels in my pocket that would keep me going for a good day or two.