FAIRYTALES

Why is it that during our formative years do we get forced fed tidal waves of shit, stories about princesses and princes, goblins and wizards, bedtime stories about pigs and wolfs and greedy little bitches who break and enter your home, eat all your food and fuck off for a lie down while your out with the rest of the family having a nice day pretending to be fucking bears in the woods, why not keep it real? why do we think that children to learn a moral lesson need a world of fantasy to understand right from wrong or good and evil which by the way the concept of in itself completely false.

For example take the Hans christian Anderson classic Hansel and Gretel, all loosely based around a pair of kids i think, who get enticed into a old hags home a witch even, i forget the exact tale , and this house happens to be made of candy and gingerbread, to cut a long story short the little fuckers end up eating her house so she eats them or something equally as fucking stupid , and as i said why delude the poor little buggers,tell them like it is for example

"sweets will rot your teeth that's a given , got it kid? you following? and if an old man or woman claims to have a house made of sweeties and if you go with them you can have all you can eat, don't for one second think they are luring you back there so she can put you in a big pot and eat you all up for supper, no no no, the likely hood is they're going to strip you down to your birthday suit slip you into a bathing costume and take numerous Polaroid pictures of you while they wait for their my space friends to arrive so they take it in turn to rape every hole the universe ever gave you and maybe cut a few more besides"

" the universe daddy ? didn't Jesus and his daddy give me those? "

"no but we will cover that later , lets just say your personal god is defunct and the universe is essentially playful and a bit of a piss taker"

"then my son/daughter you will be dismembered put in Morrison's carrier bags and buried in woods, so what have we learnt from this today"

"not to take sweets from strangers daddy"

"no no no take the fuckers but never get greedy or you will end up with a rectum like maradonnas septum"


"ooh daddy that was good can we have another"

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

" right kids , one day you will leave home and wont have enough money to rent by yourself so you will get into some house share nonsense living with two other ingrates , and if some cunt knocks on your door saying let me in let me in, don't cower in the corner until the fucker blows your house down head straight to the kitchen knife draw , then head outside and rupture his femoral artery and tell him to piss off and take his clip board or bible with him "

" again again daddy"

"listen here you i haven't got all night you needy little fuckers, tomorrow il tell you about sleeping beauty and the perils of kissing people with sexually transmitted diseases, or maybe the one about dressing up in red capes and carrying baskets of fruit to grandmas house through the woods"

Sweet dreams life destroyer.